Motivation or lack thereof

I will not lie. I am experiencing a serious lack of motivation in the blogging department. Every time I go to blog, I end up reading other peoples' blogs, deciding their blogs are better than mine, and going to sleep. In that order.(image by rodney white on all-posters)

This was supposed to be a bit of a creative outlet. Not another item on my to-do list! But I am frustrated by my own lack of knowledge on how to do all the things I see on other people's blogs on mine. I could easily figure it out with some time, but then it would be work. This isn't supposed to be work!
All that being said, I also have no pictures. I only like blogs with pictures so why should you be any different? Which reminds me I am supposed to figure out more of the settings on the awesome camera Husband got me. (Work!) I love photography and used to remember all the f-stop, shutter speed stuff but it has escaped me and I need a refresher. Thus, another creative outlet that will require work. Unless you do not mind me posting pictures of Sophie and my dogs forever and ever. That I can do! I mean, they are pretty cute...



The other factor in my lack of motivation to blog, that I will devote more time to another day, is that I sometimes wish my life was more interesting to write about. I mean, I love it, but it's not particularly exciting. At least not in the traditional sense. I think watching my baby try to crawl is pretty exciting, and hearing her belly laugh at the dogs sliding around on hardwood floors is exciting. But maybe not to everyone. And honestly, there is more to me than "Mommy", but I'm still trying to figure that out right now. Most days "mommy" is plenty great for me.

And somehow I made a whole post about how I don't have motivation to post. Backed myself into that one...

Staying at Home

This will be short, but it's today's thought. I had a conversation with someone where I was explaining that Husband is gone, this person asked, "Oh, so what are you doing?" To which I replied, "Well, hanging out with this one (I was holding Sophie) and managing stuff at home." There was a pause, then "oh...so you don't work or anything?" Sigh. I know this person was well-meaning and asking a valid question (although the wording could have been different), but this response is still a bit frustrating. I DO work. At home. I manage all aspects of care for a 6 month old baby- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't get vacation days or sick days or summer break. I also take care of three dogs (which involves two separate walks a day, meals, keeping track of meds and flea treatments, food, and potty breaks. Also the occasional steaming of rugs when they go inside the house.) I keep track of finances and pay bills while Husband is gone. I grocery shop, and meal plan and make baby food. I clean. I do yard work. So yes, I do actually do quite a bit of work. And I love that this is my work right now.

I am actually quite blessed to be able to stay at home with my daughter. I know people that would love to be able to but can't for financial reasons, etc. So I am so thankful for this (and my Husband for making it possible), but please understand, I'm not sitting around watching soap operas all day, and neither are my other stay at home mom friends!

Updates

So this posting on Fridays thing stinks. I will get better! I am going to put it on my to-do list, along with:
E-mail Husband
Take pics and videos to send to Husband
Send care packages to Husband
You get the idea.

What has happened since last Friday you might ask (all 2 of you that read this! HA!)?
Well, last Friday was my birthday, but not really.
Huh?

Since Husband left on Saturday we decided (re: he decided) we needed to celebrate before he left. So we made the most of it. Including clues for gifts scribbled on hotel pad paper. My family has a tradition that along with presents, we do clues. Each present has a clue attached and the receiver of the present has to make an attempt to guess what it is before opening it.

The first time I ever gave Husband birthday presents I wrapped them and attached the proper clues, and then explained how this worked. He loved the idea and has since gotten quite good at this clue business. This year, for example, some clues were,
"Synonyms: a defender, guard" The gift was a North Face jacket called the Sentinel. I did not guess that one.
"Rachel, keep it up!" for a belt. (I came close. I think.)



He is always quite proud of himself since he loves wordplay.
So I was 27 for a day (I am now back to 26 til my actual birthday) and it was fun.

That was Friday. Saturday we said goodbye. It was hard. Harder than the other times because of Sophie and how much time we've finally had together. Husband once wondered out loud (half- jokingly) whether I'd get sick of him being around all the time. No babes, not yet. Not even close.

I spent some time with family and friends before heading back home. I'm now trying to map out my days. Make them as full as possible to make time go by as fast as possible. Almost one week down. 5 mos and 3 weeks left!

Hotel Life

Sophie seems to like this hotel business so far.

We drove 3.5 hrs the other day to stay here while Husband does training before leaving. Sophie squealed and smiled when she saw Daddy! She adores him. Considering his words, "I never thought I'd be so wrapped around her little fingers" I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. When she screams, he says hi, and she smiles, and neither of us can be frustrated anymore.

So, Sophie and I have been lounging around the hotel room while he is off working (re:being bored). It's been a nice break from to-do lists and packing. Had to deal with my first blowout diaper in a hotel room. Bet you wanted to know about that huh? Let's just say we use cloth diapers that will fester unless cleaned frequently. I got creative.

Also, I think I want to write a "here's how to eat healthy when traveling" guide. I need fruit and veggies at regular intervals. Three meals a day just doesn't cut it. Plus, you know, my body is feeding Sophie's so there are extra demands. I had cereal in a coffee mug with a plastic spoon I ordered with my coffee from Starbucks yesterday. Got some fruit and snacks from Target (when did Target get produce?! Love it.) and some milk I brought from home. It's an adventure. Maybe I'm overboard. I'm good with it.

I will not always write about Sophie, but the girl woke up shrieking away happily this morning and has not stopped. I'm sure our neighbors in the other rooms approve. She also thinks waving at herself and talking to her fingers is fun. AND she slept from 11pm til 4.40am in her own crib last night!

That's all for today, I need to wake up some more and give this baby food and a bath.
One more pic though

Prep

Preparation for 6 months of being apart.

What does a week of this kind of prep look like?
Well....
Husband took the week off, so we could spend family time together before he leaves. In our house we have a white board with three columns- my to-dos, his to-dos, and our to-dos. So we have spent the week writing and then erasing items like "Book rental (book a rental car, not rent a book, as we spent 2 minutes trying to discern, and even remember who wrote it in the first place), put treads on the stairs, buy pens, call lawn service." We bought a bathroom scale so we could see if Husband's big trunk will meet the weight for flight (it doesn't). We ate out a lot, and cooked a lot. We did a lot of running around, getting things done. But all of this is prep for saying goodbye really.

We prepped for saying g'bye for 6 months this week- we prepared to say it when we bought clothes for Sophie together, so Husband could be part of picking our what she will wear while he is gone. We prepped for g'bye when getting my car fixed so it would be safe for us when he is not here to help take care of it, when giving Sophie her first foods a month earlier so he could be part of it. Eating foods we won't get to eat together. Making dinners, waking up together, talking...all prep for saying g'bye next week.

Don't get me wrong, on this Friday night, as we sit and eat cookies while Sophie sleeps near us, life is very very good, and very sweet. We get to sit on the couch together, both doing our thing, near each other. It is enough. It is more than enough. But it has been a week of running around, savoring and doing enough to store up for 6 months.

Ice cream and thought

My daughter is asleep next to me and I am eating ice cream. As her romper says, life is good.

I spent about an hour tonight trying to get S. to sleep in her crib. Our usual routine is that we rock in our chair and she nurses to sleep. Then she goes in bed with us.
Yes, my daughter sleeps right next to me in our king-sized bed. An arrangement that suits all of us just fine. (Why settle for a crib if you can have a king-sized bed?). So there I was tonight, practically in Sophie's crib, rubbing her back, humming, with her little sad eyes looking at me, and all I kept asking myself was, "Why am I doing this, exactly?" Because I should. Because so and so's baby sleeps in a crib. Because the doctor looked at me funny when I said that I co-sleep. Notice, all of these are dumb reasons to do anything.
I swore I would never have a child of mine sleep in bed with me and husband. Then I actually had a child. A child that I would nurse for an hour, try to put down, that would instantly wake up crying, that I would have to start the process all over again with, ALL night LONG. Until I couldn't function at all. So one night I let her sleep with me (after many tears over whether I was ruining her for life). And she slept. I slept. We all slept.
It was beautiful. Since she was about 5 or 6wks old, S. has slept for about 5-7 hours at a stretch. When she wakes up, she rolls over to nurse and goes back to sleep. I never have to get up. It is beautiful, I will say again.
I love waking up to watch her stretch her arms, and legs, and toes and give me a first sleepy smile. Then I scoot her over to Husband so I can feed the dogs, and come back in to see her all cuddled up with him, having a morning chat, or sleeping some more. All three of us get some precious time together at the very start of our day. She is happy and healthy.
So it hit me tonight (as I devoured some coffee ice cream) that one day S. will sleep by herself. Sooner rather than later. That these times of us all sleeping and waking up together are precious and will be short in the scheme of her life. I am going to try to enjoy them rather than end them before any of us are ready.

And just so you know- we are very careful about this co-sleeping business. No blankets or pillows near her. She is not near the edge of the bed. And sometimes, she does sleep in her own bed for a few hours before joining us.

The difference between men and women

Husband and I were talking tonight via skype since he is away for work. I find our house creepy at night when I am by myself. I find any house I am alone in creepy at night. This is when I am most thankful for Max's big old self by the way. I find it creepy enough that I'd rather watch a movie on my laptop in bed than venture to our TV room (Husband asked if I was planning on using our very nice entertainment equipment at all while he is gone....). I lock the back door (which we don't lock when he is home) and pull all the curtains. To all this Husband simply says "I guess men and women are different." I had no idea.

In other news, Sophie is trying to crawl. She gets up on her knees and then catapults forward and lands back on her belly. It's pretty great. She is one determined little peanut.

Now for random photos of Sophie that have nothing to do with this post.

G'night from the creepy house.